Do you ever feel lost? Well, not lost really but, not found either.
I feel like I have wandered from the path--the path of righteousness. I get back on the path, but once I feel comfortable, I venture on my own. I walk around the 'woods' for awhile, and then I have no idea where the path is. If you know me, you know that I am no good with a map, and I am even more helpless with a compass.
I feel like I am just wandering. I am walking around in my own little world. I am only turning to look for God when I am stuck or bored or desperate. I call out to Him when I am frustrated, but not when I am content. I opened my bible for the first time in months, but only to look for verses or sayings to add to a future tattoo.
I don't know what's wrong with me. I can never have a continually good relationship with God. I am a bad weather friend instead of a fair weather friend. I call out to Him when things are messy or when an effort needs to be given-more than I want to produce. I am not willing to put in time to sustain a relationship. My marriage wouldn't survive if I just came home when I needed something, or when I was bored-even though Greg might like that.
I know that everyone has hills and valleys. I am just sharing my portion of my journey right now. I am not perfect. I don't do what I always should, and I don't try like I should.
The biggest problem is not that I am wandering, but that I am not unhappy with where I am. It is a problems that I don't have a great desire to change as of yet. That is why, I have concluded, that I experience pain. Pain is the only way that I come back to Him. What a lousy friend I am.
2 comments:
Okay, so you have got me thinking, first of all, you are not a bad freind by any means. another thing is that nothing is wrong with you, everyone goes through this, well any person that is true to themsleves. I know what you mean about wandering and not hating it enough to want to stop it. My pastor last week said something about you have to hate it enough to stop, know enough to...something but i'm sure you know what i am trying to say. I see myself always going to God when i need help. I noticed about 4 months ago that, that was all i was going to God with, was help me or this situation. I"ve been where you are so hang in there and i'm going to be asking you about this subject through out the week. TAKE CARE!!!
honesty is great Jen, good for the soul. We all do what we deem important to us, we really do live what we believe. So perhaps the question for all of us is "what do I Believe?"
What the heck am I doing with my life?
Am i living out the dream for it?
what do i love, really?
these are needed things to wrestle with much and often. don't quit fighting for it, the enemy lulls us to sleep as He steps on our neck to kill us, but Jesus has beaten him with a stick!
dad
Post a Comment