I find it pretty pitiful that I get excited when I am driving by a group of guys who are walking and when I pass they all turn around to keep looking at me. I think, "that must mean that I am something special, right? That must mean that I am at least somewhat pretty". I am so insecure about my looks that I take things like this, that should be offensive, and turn them around so it is a positive.
I live to be beautiful...I have been trying my whole life to impress the 'world'. I wake up thinking, what outfit will make me look the best? How should I do my hair, so it is cute enough? I am absolutely obsessed with being the worlds view of beautiful. I stress about not being skinny enough. I think that I need beautiful blue eyes instead of brown. And I could go on forever.
I am not writing this to get everyone to write that I am pretty and cute or whatever. I am writing this because I am slowly opeing up to a new revelation in my life that was brought on by a song. It is called 'Beautiful' by Bethany Dillion. The chorus goes:
I want to be beautiful
Make you stand in awe
Look inside my heart
And be amazed
I want to hear you say
Who I am is quite enough
Just want to be worthy of love
And beautiful
As I listen to this song, I realize that I was singing it to the wrong people. I have been singing this to my husband, to my friends, and to the remainder of the world.
I have been realizing that I need to change my audience. I need to sing this to God. As I started pouring my heart out into this song and singing it to the right person, the creator, he laid it on my heart, that I am. I am all of this. Jesus paved the way for me and because of his blood, I am beautiful, I am worthy. The final part of the song goes like this, and I sing it the loudest!!
You make me beautiful
You make me stand in awe
You step inside my heart
And I am amazed
I love to hear you say
Who I am is quite enough
You make me worthy of love
And beautiful
God is so awesome, to think everything that he does for me even though I am ungrateful. I am so blessed that Jesus has made me worthy and beautiful. Whatever the world thinks doesn't compare to what he thinks. Thank you Lord for being so great and loving!!!
About Me
- Jennifer D.
- Michigan, United States
- Life is full of twists and turns. Sometimes you don't know what is waiting for you around the corner, and other times you think you know. As I enter a new phase of my career, I am nervous yet excited to teach little ones. I am only a year away from my masters in administration, so that is exciting too. My son is quickly approaching the two year mark, which is insane. Even more hard to comprehend is the fact that I have been married six years and with my husband for nearly 11 years!! CRAZY! See, life is full of things you would never expect. God has all these plans for you that you would never see coming.
3 comments:
I am the schmuck Jennifer. because i am sitting here crying after reading what you have poured out on the page. it is beautiful to watch Jesus opening you like a flower for all to see.
and you have always been beautiful to me!
dad
Thanks Dad, and I have always known that (both that you are a schmuck and that I am beautiful to you). I love you, even though you are a crier :)
Thanks everyone for being so encouraging.
Dave, I am so like you...I always want to be noticed for something that I do. I am contantly nagging Greg to tell me good things (how beautiful I am, if my talk was good, or even thank me for cleaning the house). I am often driven by what results will be yielded--others appreciating me. Its hard to try and focus your audience when so many times he is hard to see and hear. I agree, I really need to work on that too. Thanks!!
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