Broken

I have recently went through the most difficult time in my life. My grandfather died last Saturday in a fishing accident. It was unexpected. It was tragic. It was devastating. I have been up north with my grandma and family pushing though this tough time. Something stuck with me though.

The priest, at the funeral, made an unforgettable analogy. He talked about being pregnant. About how the mom and dad-to-be do everything in their power to prepare for the baby. They take classes, read books, and even pack their bags for the day they know will soon come. It would be foolish, he remarked, to pretend that the birth would never come. To live like the baby would never be born. To never prepare. He compared this to us preparing for our deaths. So many of us, including me, don't like to think about our deaths. We pretend that it never will come. Like the expecting parents who don't prepare, we are foolish to not prepare for our deaths.

I am one of these people. I hate to even think about dying, or those I love dying. But the priest was right, I am foolish for ignoring the fact that some day I will die. My time here on earth is significantly shorter than the time I will spend in the afterlife. I need to prepare to spend eternity in heaven.

My grandfather was. He was preparing to spend his eternity in heaven. The last story he told us was on Easter. When he told it he was so happy. He was so excited about Jesus. He had found a new love for Christ that had grown to immense proportions within the last ten years. This story was about how he went fishing off the pier near his home in Mikado. He was struck by the beauty of the scenery and reminded of a story in the bible. The story of a few fisherman who couldn't catch anything. Then this guy named Jesus told them to try again. To put their nets back into the water. They thought, we haven't caught anything all day, but why not?. They put their nets in and immediately caught more fish than the boat could hold. Papa started to pray when he remembered the story. He thanked God for everything that he has been blessed with. Then Papa put his line in once. Took it out and put it in again. On the second cast he caught a huge trout. Dodie, my Grandma, cooked it up that night. They both agreed it was the best fish they ever had.

My grandpa wasn't always a God-fearing man. He was rough and somewhat mean. He cared most about material things. Then he re-discovered Jesus. He was child-like in his faith. He was so excited. He was so in love. He was so trusting. He was preparing, even if unconsciously, for the afterlife.

I too need to take time to better prepare to secure a spot in heaven. I need to live like Jesus, not just say I love Him but prove it. I need to accept that his sacrifice is good enough, not try to make up for my wrongs. I need to have a childlike faith.

I am saddened that it took an event this tragic to break me. I had to be broken. God knew. I knew. I was afraid to ask to be broken, because I knew it would have to be bad. It would have to be painful. It was, it is the worst pain I have ever experienced. If I can take one thing away from this, though, it is that I have to have a childlike faith like my grandpa.

No time is best for death. No matter when people leave this earth we will be sad. We will miss them. However, if there is a better time, this would have been it for my grandpa. He was living love. He was showing the world Jesus through his actions. He accepted Christ's sacrifice.

I miss you Papa. But I know that you are teaching the angels how to fish right now. And you are telling your hilarious jokes making Jesus laugh. I hope to see you in heaven.