I have recently realized that I suffer from an addiction. This addiction invades my thoughts. It consumes my mind. It prevents me from focusing on anything else. It is strong, and I surrender to it.
My addiction influences my mood. I am happy when I get it. I am pissed when I don't. When I have to limit it, I crave it every waking second. It controls my life. Immediately after I get it, I am thinking about the next time I will get it.
It disgusts me that I feel prisoner to something so powerless. It disgusts me when I look at what I have become because of it. I blame it all on the object of my addiction, but it is my fault for letting it get this way. For letting it control me, instead of me being in control of it.
It has become my god. This addiction has become my god.
I pray that the only God will help me to replace this addiction to something so silly with an addiction to what is true, what is noble, and what is righteous. I want to fill my time with actions that show love. I want to live the kingdom now. I want to regain control over my obsession with food, and spend more time with God. I am moving in the right direction now. Thanks in part to my hubby who is regaining control with me.
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2 comments:
Good Luck, I hope you are doing well. I know that during the summer it is even harder because everyone is having parties. They barely ever have food that is good for you. Well hope your week is going okay and i'll be praying for you. Love in Christ!
Jen- I can honestly say that I totally relate to every last word that you've said here....I almost find it embarrasing for me (although when you say it, I don't think it sounds weird) because I think "this is such a silly thing to struggle with, there are people out there who have issues that are a lot more difficult than mine, yet I still have it." Maybe we can help each other...
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