Just as I was finishing up my blog on my life being like a maze, it was deleted. It seems like there is always something in life thrown in my direction that forces me to choose. Am I going to react by screaming obscenities (I didn't scream them I merely muttered them) or am I going to react camly and let it roll off my back.
I was busy writing how my life compared to a maze, how I kept running into dead ends and having to retrace my steps to go anywhere. I find myself constantly committing the same 'sins' and ending up where I started.
I thought I was alright with giving God control of my life, but when my husband and I got into a huge blow out about finances and my career I simply slipped into the old ways of thinking and found myself wondering when I actually was going to get a job. I was getting impatient with God's timing.
I look back now, laughing, because I am writing this from my computer in my new classroom where I am newly employed. God does have a plan, and life seems to become much more worry-free when I trust in his plan. Why can't I remember that? Why do I always turn to my old gimmicks to try and move mountains without God?
I am living in a virtual maze, which I can navigate onlyif I allow God to drive me, but as soon as I take the wheel, I crash and burn. I am thankful that I am in a relationship with a God who allows me to comeback when I have tried my own thing and found it to worthless. I am thankful I am in love with a God who gives me second, third, and thousandth chances.
I am so excited for the next chapter in my life to unfold to see what God's has in store for me, but please pray for me to allow God to take the drivers seat, because I find myself yelling out the directions from the backseat. I need to surrender everything. I need to let go AGAIN...
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5 comments:
JENNI! YOU DIDN'T TELL ME YOU GOT A JOB? WHERE? WHEN DID YOU GET IT? GIVE ME THE SCOOP! Oh yes, where are we meeting on friday, Jay and Mia's? I can't remember...at 6 or 7? Love you and congrats!
Hey! I know, I was going to tell you on Friday in person... I am working in Marysville (15 min to the south) in a K-5 Cognitively Impaired room. I have 10 kids and three paraprofessionals. There is a wide need rage and ability level, but the kids are great. I have a lot of learning to do, but I am happy here so far. We are meeting at 7, I will email you this if I get a chance today. Love Ya!~
that whole letting go of the wheel thing is great and you will be relearning it over and over again until you see Jesus face to face. You are much loved even when your screaming obseneties from the back seat into the ear of the one who made you a little high strung.
I am not high strung...OK maybe a little. I like to have control, but I obviously never do and it makes it easier to give it to God so I can finally relax... The sunrise was beautiful today I love the little reminders that God gives us of his greatness and love.
aww shucks, you more and more like your daddy everyday! i love sun rises and sets because they remind me that someone else is in control, way bigger than me and still cares so much for his creation that he paints the sky often. awesome!
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