Ok so I am just in one of those moods. Where you don't quite feel overwhelmingly sad, but you are crying. My husband always says that it is PMS, which completely pisses me off...but many times it directly correlates to that time Aunt Flo visits. So this is where I am in my life right now:
~I absolutely love my job. I love these little fresh faces that have nearly all their lives to live. I love their candidness. I love their truth. I love their hearts. However, my last name is extremely difficult for these kids to pronounce. The other day one of them said "Mrs. DeGlopolor, I heard you were a great teacher" I said Oh good!! I hope so :) Another day, the kids were designing the front of their writing folders when I asked one boy what he was drawing he said "this is me at church and this is Jesus Christ" I laughed and said how great it was. It was so funny to just hear the raw truth so open and unashamed. Finally, I love the little hugs I get from caring hands. God put me in the right place. Each day I continue to pray for patience and love...that's all I need :O)
~My youngest brother Ryan is overseas serving the Lord. He is in the Netherlands, or something, right over there. He is on a two year mission. Our only contact is the occasional email and reading his blog. Which is beautiful, visit it at adventerousfaith.blogspot.com anyway it is a bittersweet thing. I always thought he was bluffing when he started to bring up this ship thing. Well, not so much. He is there. He left behind this sad family and a ton of friends, and even let go of this awesomely amazing girl to pursue God. Wow. Not many people do that. Actually very few. It is admirable. Then, why can I not let go of my selfishness and be happy for him instead of being sad for me and my crying dad and my hurting mom?
~Carson has been crazy. Not sure what it is. Probably the change more than anything. He has been bouncing off the walls, biting me, and just super crazy. It is hard to understand. In the midst all of that, we have some great moments and I miss our time together. The other day when I got home, at yet again 6pm, he was so excited. He came running to the door, flapping his arms, screaming "mama!" and laughing. It was so real, again so unashamed. It made me cry. Of course. Everything this week seems to make me cry. That same night we were laying on his little pull out Cars couch. We were laying practically nose to nose and he was just talking away. About some crazy world, nothing to which I am aware. I was just asking him vague questions and encouraging him to share more. Our eyes were locked and he smiled the entire time he revealed his 'story'. This moment will forever be with me. These are the moments that parenthood is most rewarding. The little, tiny, lightening quick moments that make all the craziness and frustration disappear. These are the moments that I am reminded of how we are to love God. With reckless abandon. With undying devotion. With raw enthusiasm. With the devotion of Ryan and the joy of Carson.
With the ups and downs, all in all life is good. God is amazing. He continues to give and bless, undeservedly. So after all that, why am I crying?
