Back to the Grind

Well, I had to return to work yesterday for the first time in seven weeks. It was a strange change of pace. First, I realize that we, well I really, have to get up significantly earlier. I was running a tad late getting up at 6, so 5:30 is my new alarm setting, blah!! Next, a sleeping baby isn't very easy or pleasant to wake up. Carson is like his father, crabby until fully awake. He will lay in his crib for a half hour stretching, looking around, and yawning. Unfortunately, we don't have the luxury of time in the a.m., so he isn't able to properly wake up. This does not make him happy. By the time he is in the car though, he settles down some.
It wasn't as heart-wrenching as I thought. It was sad to leave, but I didn't cry. The hard part was picking him up and then having to leave a couple of hours later to go to my new kick-boxing class.

• SIDEBAR--Let me just rant about the class...It was the most difficult thing I have ever done! Afterwards I could hardly walk!! I had to have Greg massage my legs!

Back to the topic...When I finally got home, Carson was sleeping. It was a disappointment. I wanted to chill with my baby. So, in the end, work wasn't as horrible as I thought it would be. The most difficult part was not spending very much time with him after work. I am very much looking forward to the summer when I can spend lots of time with him!

He Has Risen

Easter has now come and gone. It was a fun time, Carson's first. However, there was a uneasiness to the entire day. There was an unspoken sadness that hung in the air. It was at this time last year that we last saw our grandpa.

It seemed to be the happiest time of his life. His marriage was strong and his love renewed. He was childlike in his faith. He was smiling. He was excited about life. He was chatting about his fishing trip that seemed to be taken right out of the pages of the gospel. He was..my papa.

It definitely was different this year without him. It was obvious we all felt it, but no one said anything. We all just held it in.

Carson's presence seemed to ease some of my grandma's tension. She held him close during dinner, choosing not to eat with the rest of us.

It was a good Easter, however. Because of my savior's sacrifice I know that my papa is in heaven with Jesus. Carson's presence reminded me of how blessed I am. I have a great family. Thank you Lord for the good things in our lives. Those seem to make the hardships not so hard.

Shock and Awe

Now that the initial shock of parenthood has past, things have never been better. However, let me tell you that there is no way to prepare for parenthood. You think you know, but you don't. There is no physical way to prepare for the lack of sleep, the endless crying, and the parental bickering. They should make a boot camp for all couples considering starting a family so you can come close to the shock your system will sustain. That shock, however, is over within a couple of weeks.

Greg and I are five weeks into this roller coaster called parenthood, and things have taken a turn for the better, without a doubt. Instead of being shocked, most of the time I find myself in awe. I am in awe of my ever changing son. He is now over 9 lbs, he rolls over-inconsistently, he is awake and alert more often, he is so curious. Every day brings a new discovery for the three of us. A new noise, a new facial expression, a new movement...and on and on. I am not only in awe of my son, but I find myself in awe of my husband and his relationship with Carson as well. After eight hours of physical labor, Greg scoops up our son and starts to bond. He talks, plays, and just cuddles with him. On a daily basis, my heart swells with love, admiration, and awe.

God has blessed me with this amazing human. So small, perfect, and angelic. God has blessed me with this amazing husband. So loving, sweet, and patient. I couldn't imagine life without the three of us--and Tigger. It just seems so right.

So, I have to apologize if I scared any of you with my stressed out rants. It is just part of the new territory I have encountered. Know that parenthood isn't a cake-walk, but the cliches are true "Having a child changes everything". It changes your relationship, for the better. It changes your heart, I have never felt such love. It changes you. I am excited for everything it has to bring. The good times more than make up for the difficult ones. Like the picture above, the sleepless nights are pale in comparison to the new skills-like smiling. My favorite!!