hot, Hot, HOT!!

Holy Lord, it is hot! Our normally cuddly and attention seeking cat is lying on his back, spread-eagled from heat stroke. Our house registered 86 degrees yesterday. Not outside, that was inside at about 9PM!

I am a cool loving person. I could live with mid-seventies and just a little, if any, humidity. My husband loves this stifling weather. He could be outside all day, while I would rather spend the day in front of a fan or, ideally, an air conditioner.

This weather isn't very conducive to learning either. Schools are quick to supply air conditioners for their offices and lounges, but are too cheap to allow air conditioners in classrooms. If I can't function in this heat, then I really can't expect my students to either.

Well, I think I will take a trip to my local housing store and price air conditioners. The only set back is my frugal husband.

Sorry about the complaining. I am sure that I would also be complaining if the weather was cold and crappy too. When will I ever be satisfied? :) Enjoy the heat!!

School's Out For Summer (Almost)

When I was young, I remember the hopeful anticipation of the last dismissal bell ringing for the school year. The excited chatter of thirty students squirming for the signal of freedom. The bell would ring and we would leap from our seats rushing for the door. Then there was that saying. What was it? "No more homework, no more books, no more teacher's dirty looks" Or something like that. I was the one the teachers were giving dirty looks to, I'm sure.

Now I am on the other end of that. I am the teacher giving dirty looks :) The funny thing is, though, that the anticipation for the summer hasn't changed. I am just as much, if not more, looking forward to getting summer off.

This job has it's rewards, the small things that make it feel worthwhile. However, many days are so challenging. So much, that at the age of 24--inching toward 25--I have to go home and nap every day because I am emotionally and mentally spent.

Last year, the summer was a welcome break. This year it will be as well. And I am sure that I will look forward to coming back for another year of stress eating and naps. Summer is my favorite word right now. I really have no plans. No job. Nothing. There is something appealing about not having anything to do. About getting to sleep in a little. About not being stressed. About not being constantly busy. The best part is that I continue to get my paychecks even though I am not working.

I will try my hardest to continue to post throughout the summer, because really what else do I have to do? (Sorry I do have to rub it in a little) However, the thought of frustratingly slow internet is a turn off.

Yeah summer is almost here!!!

Stormy

A song that has really been speaking to my heart lately is the song that says

I will praise you in this storm
I will raise my hands....
Every tear I cry
you hold in your hands
I will praise you in this storm


I am terrified of storms, both literal figurative. I don't mind a small thunderstorm here and there, but the larger ones get me. Like the one on Mother's Day.

We were in Macomb and suddenly the wind turned and the sky grew very dark. The heavens opened up and God really displayed his power. It was a torrential downpour with bouts of hail. It was scary. Both my grandma and I said, "Maybe we should turn on the TV." Implying that there was probably a tornado warning and we should immediately seek shelter in the basement. I have always feared real storms.

However, this song is not about real thunderstorms. The song refers to figurative storms. Be it life storms that occur regularly in our lives. Like endless meetings, workplace conflict, spousal fights; just to name a few. Or, it could be life-altering, torrential storms with hail and tornadoes. Like a death. A divorce. An injury. And so on. These torrential life storms are often the most difficult to weather.

Most of the time, when I am in these storms I become angry with God. I turn my back on him. Ask Him why he wants to make my life miserable. This most recent storm I have been hit with is different.

The loss of my grandpa wasn't expected. It wasn't like he just went to sleep one night and didn't wake up--it was painful, for him. It wasn't easy, for his family. Normally I would be pissed. However, I felt a different emotion this time. I felt at peace. I still felt devastated at his quick exit from our lives. I felt heartbroken for my grieving grandma. I felt helpless. But among all these familiar feelings, I felt a new one, I felt peace.

Now I know what this song means. I know what praising God through a storm means. It means putting aside your anger and hurt and crying out to God. It means seeking his face through the pain. I did. I couldn't have felt better when I made that choice. I couldn't feel better now.

I praise God for the memories of my grandfather and for the 24 years that I have known him. I praise God for trials, because without them I couldn't be the person he is trying to mold me into being.

Appreciation

Long, sunny, warm days. I love them. We always spend lots of time outside. The only time we were inside yesterday was to cook and eat, and then after ten to relax and go to bed.

Greg and I spent lots of time together too. We played basketball, set up and took pictures of our flowers, went to the high school track to walk/run, and then rollerbladed with our friends. It was a fun-filled, calorie burning day. It is always fun to get away from sitting on the couch all winter.

I have developed a new appreciation for Greg. Not only from bad examples around me (failed marriages) but from my grandfather's relationship to my grandma. You never know how long, or short, your time will be together, so you really have to take advantage of the time you do have. Even if you are doing something that you don't want to do, like playing basketball, you can still find some joy it. Like fouling just to touch :) or making your own rules--my rule last night was no running our game was exhaustion-free.

Even a little time together is priceless when you don't know how long you have, and when you don't act like you have forever. Take time to laugh and love. I truly love my hubby and would be forever lost without him.

Broken

I have recently went through the most difficult time in my life. My grandfather died last Saturday in a fishing accident. It was unexpected. It was tragic. It was devastating. I have been up north with my grandma and family pushing though this tough time. Something stuck with me though.

The priest, at the funeral, made an unforgettable analogy. He talked about being pregnant. About how the mom and dad-to-be do everything in their power to prepare for the baby. They take classes, read books, and even pack their bags for the day they know will soon come. It would be foolish, he remarked, to pretend that the birth would never come. To live like the baby would never be born. To never prepare. He compared this to us preparing for our deaths. So many of us, including me, don't like to think about our deaths. We pretend that it never will come. Like the expecting parents who don't prepare, we are foolish to not prepare for our deaths.

I am one of these people. I hate to even think about dying, or those I love dying. But the priest was right, I am foolish for ignoring the fact that some day I will die. My time here on earth is significantly shorter than the time I will spend in the afterlife. I need to prepare to spend eternity in heaven.

My grandfather was. He was preparing to spend his eternity in heaven. The last story he told us was on Easter. When he told it he was so happy. He was so excited about Jesus. He had found a new love for Christ that had grown to immense proportions within the last ten years. This story was about how he went fishing off the pier near his home in Mikado. He was struck by the beauty of the scenery and reminded of a story in the bible. The story of a few fisherman who couldn't catch anything. Then this guy named Jesus told them to try again. To put their nets back into the water. They thought, we haven't caught anything all day, but why not?. They put their nets in and immediately caught more fish than the boat could hold. Papa started to pray when he remembered the story. He thanked God for everything that he has been blessed with. Then Papa put his line in once. Took it out and put it in again. On the second cast he caught a huge trout. Dodie, my Grandma, cooked it up that night. They both agreed it was the best fish they ever had.

My grandpa wasn't always a God-fearing man. He was rough and somewhat mean. He cared most about material things. Then he re-discovered Jesus. He was child-like in his faith. He was so excited. He was so in love. He was so trusting. He was preparing, even if unconsciously, for the afterlife.

I too need to take time to better prepare to secure a spot in heaven. I need to live like Jesus, not just say I love Him but prove it. I need to accept that his sacrifice is good enough, not try to make up for my wrongs. I need to have a childlike faith.

I am saddened that it took an event this tragic to break me. I had to be broken. God knew. I knew. I was afraid to ask to be broken, because I knew it would have to be bad. It would have to be painful. It was, it is the worst pain I have ever experienced. If I can take one thing away from this, though, it is that I have to have a childlike faith like my grandpa.

No time is best for death. No matter when people leave this earth we will be sad. We will miss them. However, if there is a better time, this would have been it for my grandpa. He was living love. He was showing the world Jesus through his actions. He accepted Christ's sacrifice.

I miss you Papa. But I know that you are teaching the angels how to fish right now. And you are telling your hilarious jokes making Jesus laugh. I hope to see you in heaven.