Losing Hair

The only way I can convey how I have been feeling is to give examples of situations in which one might experience the same emotions. Close your eyes--well keep them open to read this, and imagine these...

You are stuck in traffic. It is a hot day. You have to pee. You are hungry. The guy behind you is honking endlessly, but it is accomplishing nothing. You have begun a little mantra "Come On!". It does nothing. Traffic is stuck. Your gas gauge is drifting past the E. You have been there for hours not moving.

OR

You are trapped in a small, dark room. There are no windows. There are no doors. There is no light. You have searched every inch of the walls. You have banged on them, but they are solid concrete. You have screamed and yelled until your voice became hoarse. There is no way out. You can't will your way out. You can't talk your way out. There is no getting through.

OR

You are on a sports team. Your team has talent and potential. However, you never win. It is the last game of the season. You are all doing your best. You should win. You don't. Your best proves to not be good enough. You have tried again and again to win, but you are winless.

How do you feel when you imagine these situations? They are all hypothetical, but at least I am not the only one feeling frustrated, helpless, and hopeless now. Sometimes things are so dire that the best way to fix it might be to quit. Then, one day, today. The sun came out. There is a glimmer of hope. Hopefully tomorrow the glimmer will return. If not, at least it's a Friday and I have the weekend off and it's payday.
Work sucks sometimes. Sometimes I would love to be a stay-at-home mom to be. However, there are those days where you look into the eyes of your students and you see hope. You see happiness. You see the ways that you touch them. I would love for those days to outweigh the hard days. The days that you are so stressed out you could pull your hair our, or in my case eat a boatload of ice cream. And I have had a lot of ice cream lately.

Open Arms

Listening to responses from others about a church community, and listening to the new Casting Crowns CD, I have come up with something that should be a part of every community, but unfortunately isn't.
LOVE Christ commanded us to love our neighbor as ourselves and to love God. Churches aren't often the place where this love is practiced. We stare when someone different walks in. We shun someone who is going through a divorce. We ignore the poor person sitting in the rack row.
Casting Crowns makes it a focus of so many of their songs. Where is the love that God commands us to give? Why aren't we reaching out to those who are poor in spirit? Why do we ignore the broken hearted? Why do we criticize others who aren't like us?
More than anything I want TNQ (the new Quest)to be a place where people can come in off of the streets and they feel comfortable. I want it to be inviting. I want the people there to be accepting and loving. I want us to be a mirror for Christ's love. There are so many people who are pushed away from the church because they aren't typical church material. Because they don't fit a mold.
That's BS. Look at who Christ dined with. Look at who he reached out to. He was in the company of prostitutes, tax collectors, adulterers, thieves, and on and on. He didn't judge. He was simply there to love them.
Can we create a place that accepts others who are pushed away? Can we love dispute our differences? I hope so. If not, I don't want anything to do with it.

In search of answers

In your opinion, what should a gathering of Christ followers look like? What is essential? What could be left out?

I am trying to get ideas of what other people hold dear. I am trying to get ideas for the new quest. Share!!

Love like Jesus

Tragedy always makes things much clearer. The two funerals I attended this weekend really broke me. However, you come away with an appreciation for life. For the present. For all the blessings you do have.

With this newly renewed view of life, I was deeply angered by the way others treat some people. Many people treat others like dirt. The ones who don't care to love others claim they are Christians, but where is it reflected in their behavior?
They don't stop to think what repercussions their rude, arrogant, self-righteous behavior can have. They drive the one they treat horribly to depression. He doesn't think he is good enough. That he can't do anything to fit in.
It is scary, as a person who witnessed the devastation of suicide, to think of the causes. What if the person being treated poorly thinks there is no way out? What if he/she becomes so lonely that his/her thoughts turn to suicide?
I am VERY angry and sad and worried right now. I want to say to my brother, that there are people out there who deserve to be your friend. People who treat you like this do not deserve your friendship. Take the time to search for people who are willing to love you like Jesus. They deserve your love. I am sorry that you have (had) people in your life who have hurt you. I am sorry that they caused you pain. Please know that I love you, and that Jesus loves you too. Sometimes the cards we are dealt suck, but they just need to be played, and then we can move on. We move on with more experience, more knowledge, and a greater self awareness.

Catastrophic

Crap happens. Sorry but it does.
Crap happens and then we get pissed off. We get pissed off and vengeful. We start to gossip about why we are pissed off. We start to justify our hatred. We become low. We are the opposite of Jesus.
Why does it take a catastrophic event to change our minds? To make us realize that we were always wrong. To realize that not only had I been hurt, but that I had hurt others. Why would I wait until a death occurred to apologize? To seek forgiveness. What if the person that I was sparring with died? I would have never been able to say that I was sorry, that I was wrong.
I am saddened by the event--the death. However, I am joyful that God pushed me to make things right.
I never realized how much I missed the people I bad mouthed. I never realized what an impact that group of people had on my life. I am so thankful that things have begun to repair themselves-with Gods strong hand pushing us. I am very excited to have another go with these group of friends. I hope that this time, I will be a better Christian and friend.
Thank God for two, and three, and seventy-seven chances.

Please, read the last post I made if you were in anyway involved in the Quest. We need to start brainstorming...Leave comments about your ideas and visions.

Random

These are very scattered and random thoughts. Please add to them:

I love flowers. I love taking their pictures. I hate caring for them. I would rather have silk ones. But live ones are so beautiful.

The Quest:
Could it be a place for small groups to gather. My vision right now is a place set up with small tables and booths. Coffee, smoothies, and snacks. Maybe an outline for discussion, or a topic and some corresponding verses are on the tables. As small groups you explore the verses. Then there is a short discussion as a whole and then time to sing your heart out. I know its not perfect, but what if?

I think that we tried to emphasize being different so much that we got away from the main purpose...God, seeking a relationship with Him. I don't think that it is that important to be different from a church service. What matters is that we were drawing people from all different walks of life, and they found a place to call their own.

What if people could bring their instruments for a jam session. Open mike. Again, a reason to gather.

My hearts cry right now is to reach out to people who are displaced by 'church'. The Quest drew people who didn't fit in anywhere else. Sometimes it was hard to love them, but it is our calling. Look who Jesus hung out with...

What if we did it at someone's house every once in a while? A cook out. A bonfire. Some singing. This is a great way to create community. People have fun and are relaxed in this type of setting. Its more personal, more close-knit. I would be willing to host.

What if we let other people interested in leading worship lead. I love Joey, but I think every week wears him out. Maybe once a month we could allow someone else to take the reigns. Something that I learned at our church is that it doesn't matter what the person up front is like. Whether they can sing or not, whether they are keeping a beat, etc, but it is my attitude of worship. We might not have the best people once in a while, but its our outlook and us focusing on God instead of the person upfront.

I think that we need to make it less about the event and more about community. More about caring and praying for each other. More about loving each other through it all. More about hanging out and laughing. More about providing a place to meet others and catch up with each other.

We need to exist to bring people on all walks of life together for a common purpose. To find others to walk with them on their path to Christ. The journey is not easy, but at least they will know other travelers.

Respond!! I want your ideas too! We need to get this rolling, the Quest needs to exist in some form!

Encouraging

I just recently have started to poke around others journal sites more. I read the comments and click on the commenter. I arrive at a completely foreign site. I love to see other people's pictures and read a little about other people. Its so encouraging to see people, young adults, who love the Lord.
One of the best experiences I had with this was at a Passion concert. My husband and I went-we are fairly young still :)- with a bunch of other people. It was amazing to watch the crowd. They were immersed. Hands were held high. Voices were loud. I couldn't help crying. It was beautiful.
I don't remember there being a need for God from an age group like this before. (approximately 18-35yrs). Now more than even there needs to be a place that exists for them to fellowship/hang out.--HINT HINT--not so subtle.
It is so encouraging to find others who are devoted to growing in a relationship with Christ-I hate the word 'religious', so I won't use it :)



the quest needs to exist. we need a place to gather.

A thought

Our lives are busy. We rush through our day. We wake up late and in a bad mood. We take a shower. We rush out the door forgetting to brush our teeth. We eat our breakfast in the car. We start our day in a rush and in a bad mood. It doesn't seem to end there though. We continue this hurried pace throughout the day. Even when we get home we rush for dinner. When we finally slow down and put our feet up, it's infront of the television.
Where is there time in there for God?

Desperation

I can't imagine the thoughts that must go through someone's mind when they ponder taking their own life.
There must be such desperation. A loss of all hope. A wild desire to escape. A sense of bitter loneliness.
This type of thought pattern must come from a dark, hopeless place. A place where ending your life is the only way out. A place where there is no light. There is no love. There is no second chance.

It makes me utterly sad that a person could think there is no hope. That they feel so alone. Its hard to conceive.

I want to scream, "there is a second chance, and a third, and a fourth, and a one hundredth! I am a perfect example of what God's loving mercy and grace is capable of. I will never be lonely because he is always there. I will never be hopeless because he gives hope. I will never be unloved because of his awesome love."
and in my frustration I will gently remind them that God loves them. He is always there for them. There isn't anything that he can't do. He has always loved them, he has always been by their side, even if they couldn't tell.

Its hard to say what happens to a person who commits suicide after death. I pray that somehow, in the midst of lying there the light shone through. I pray that God worked even when she couldn't breathe on her own. I pray that she heard the promises of God. I pray that she was able to call out to him in midst of her last hour.