I can't believe it's the end of the school year. I have taught here for six months and I have formed a undeniable bond with my students. Many are moving on next year to middle school, and they will be greatly missed. Next school year holds many challenges.
I just keep thinking how I wanted the year to be over, and now its here. I keep wishing away the days. I keep looking forward to the end of the year, to my birthday, to our summer trip, it comes and then it goes. After it has gone I look back and I wonder, where has it all gone? I failed to stop and breathe in the ocean air. I failed to stop and take in my surroundings in my first classroom. I failed to stop.
I can't appreciate today when all I think about is tomorrow. God help me to pause and experience today without thinking about tomorrow. Help me to take the time to realize that this exact moment will never happen again. Lord, I want to slow down because before I know it I will be a grandma.
I am glad I am young. I will savor every moment of my young marriage. I will rejoice for what God has blessed me with today. I will take opportunities to reflect the love of God, now, not tomorrow.
Lastly--away from the subject of wasting time--I pray that these young people some how experienced God through me. I hope I was able to show them love, patience, and kindness while they were here. I pray they will continue to meet people who will reflect the love of God into their lives. I will dearly miss them.
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
God's Will?!
OK--letting off a little steam...
I was watching TV last night, and it was about a new, up-coming preacher and his church. His church brought it 38 million last year alone. They are using it to buy the AstroDome and make it into their new church. They draw 16 thousand four times a week!
Is it God's will that we use all this money to build huge churches and pay big salaries? Or is it His will that we use the millions and millions to reach people in far away countries to preach his name and to show love?
Personally I think Christianity isn't about numbers. It isn't about whether our church draws sixty-four thousand people a week. Are those people living out God's kingdom? Are they showing his love? If not, it isn't worth it. If its just about bringing in revenue to make a bigger building, I think Christ's teachings have been lost.
I was angry, I still kind of am. I hope they don't use all that money for a bigger building. I hope that the kingdom of God is being spread throughout the earth with it too.
I was watching TV last night, and it was about a new, up-coming preacher and his church. His church brought it 38 million last year alone. They are using it to buy the AstroDome and make it into their new church. They draw 16 thousand four times a week!
Is it God's will that we use all this money to build huge churches and pay big salaries? Or is it His will that we use the millions and millions to reach people in far away countries to preach his name and to show love?
Personally I think Christianity isn't about numbers. It isn't about whether our church draws sixty-four thousand people a week. Are those people living out God's kingdom? Are they showing his love? If not, it isn't worth it. If its just about bringing in revenue to make a bigger building, I think Christ's teachings have been lost.
I was angry, I still kind of am. I hope they don't use all that money for a bigger building. I hope that the kingdom of God is being spread throughout the earth with it too.
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
An addict's confession
I have recently realized that I suffer from an addiction. This addiction invades my thoughts. It consumes my mind. It prevents me from focusing on anything else. It is strong, and I surrender to it.
My addiction influences my mood. I am happy when I get it. I am pissed when I don't. When I have to limit it, I crave it every waking second. It controls my life. Immediately after I get it, I am thinking about the next time I will get it.
It disgusts me that I feel prisoner to something so powerless. It disgusts me when I look at what I have become because of it. I blame it all on the object of my addiction, but it is my fault for letting it get this way. For letting it control me, instead of me being in control of it.
It has become my god. This addiction has become my god.
I pray that the only God will help me to replace this addiction to something so silly with an addiction to what is true, what is noble, and what is righteous. I want to fill my time with actions that show love. I want to live the kingdom now. I want to regain control over my obsession with food, and spend more time with God. I am moving in the right direction now. Thanks in part to my hubby who is regaining control with me.
My addiction influences my mood. I am happy when I get it. I am pissed when I don't. When I have to limit it, I crave it every waking second. It controls my life. Immediately after I get it, I am thinking about the next time I will get it.
It disgusts me that I feel prisoner to something so powerless. It disgusts me when I look at what I have become because of it. I blame it all on the object of my addiction, but it is my fault for letting it get this way. For letting it control me, instead of me being in control of it.
It has become my god. This addiction has become my god.
I pray that the only God will help me to replace this addiction to something so silly with an addiction to what is true, what is noble, and what is righteous. I want to fill my time with actions that show love. I want to live the kingdom now. I want to regain control over my obsession with food, and spend more time with God. I am moving in the right direction now. Thanks in part to my hubby who is regaining control with me.
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