At the Quest last night we sang, Blessed Be Your Name, and it really hit me. We sang about God's name being blessed when it is going crappy in our lives. I am not good at that. Instead of praising God through the tough times, I blame him. I need to turn that around and continue to praise him when things are rough.
I recently emailed my grandma and she had some inspiring words. She made me cry--which is pretty easy. She responded to what I wrote in my email about having a tough time trusting blindly. She responded that what I am trusting isn't blind. God knows everything, he sees everything, and he loves me in every situation. Additionally, she reminded me that I am not trusting in something/someone that I haven't encountered. There have been endless experiences that I have had with the One True God. He has answered prayers, moved me, comforted me, corrected me, and redirected me. What I am trusting in isn't an absent God. He is omni-present--present everywhere. Where I walk, he walks with me. How encouraging to know that in times of need and desperation.
I want to live my life according to the song I belted out on Thursday. I want to sing God's praises and tell the world of his love even when I am down in the dumps. He deserves at least that.
"Every blessing you pour out, I'll turn to back praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord, still I will say:
"Blessed be the name of the Lord,
Blessed be your name.
Blessed be the name of the Lord,
Blessed be your glorious name!
Friday, April 29, 2005
Friday, April 22, 2005
Change is a Coming
I hate change.
I like when things are the same, or similar for long periods of time. I also hate change even more if the result is uncertain.
Right now, I have five fifth graders in my classroom, and next year they will all be going on to middle school. That means that next year, if I am back here, I will have very young students.
I don't mind that I will have students who are kindergarten age to second grade, but that means change. I will miss my departing fifth graders. All of their personalities are so unique and they all can be a blast.
I took one to the middle school to give the new lunch routine and it just reminded me of school--back in the day.
Life has changed so much, some good and some bad. I sometimes miss the carefree days of not working for a living and just hanging out with friends.
The upcoming prospect of change has me scared, but most of all I am sad. I have really come to love the children that I work with. If I am not back here, I will miss them so much. I pray that I can come back, but if not I will forever be impacted by everyone of them.
I like when things are the same, or similar for long periods of time. I also hate change even more if the result is uncertain.
Right now, I have five fifth graders in my classroom, and next year they will all be going on to middle school. That means that next year, if I am back here, I will have very young students.
I don't mind that I will have students who are kindergarten age to second grade, but that means change. I will miss my departing fifth graders. All of their personalities are so unique and they all can be a blast.
I took one to the middle school to give the new lunch routine and it just reminded me of school--back in the day.
Life has changed so much, some good and some bad. I sometimes miss the carefree days of not working for a living and just hanging out with friends.
The upcoming prospect of change has me scared, but most of all I am sad. I have really come to love the children that I work with. If I am not back here, I will miss them so much. I pray that I can come back, but if not I will forever be impacted by everyone of them.
A Lighter Note
Here is a little lighter post. Something to make you laugh, it fun to do too!!
Jennifer Lynn DeGlopper's Aliases |
Your movie star name: Cookies Victor |
Your fashion designer name is Jennifer Venice |
Your socialite name is Racoon Las Vegas |
Your fly girl / guy name is J DeG |
Your detective name is Frog Northern |
Your barfly name is Crackers White Russian |
Your soap opera name is Lynn Milton |
Your rock star name is Chocolate Train |
Your star wars name is Jenalp DeGgre |
Your punk rock band name is The Tired Mug |
A little lighter note
Here is a little something to lighten the mood from my last dark post.
Laugh a little, these are some fun names.
Laugh a little, these are some fun names.
Jennifer Lynn DeGlopper's Aliases |
Your movie star name: Cookies Victor |
Your fashion designer name is Jennifer Venice |
Your socialite name is Racoon Las Vegas |
Your fly girl / guy name is J DeG |
Your detective name is Frog Northern |
Your barfly name is Crackers White Russian |
Your soap opera name is Lynn Milton |
Your rock star name is Chocolate Train |
Your star wars name is Jenalp DeGgre |
Your punk rock band name is The Tired Mug |
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
Another Jolt--Warning its long!
OK--I have cooled down a little since I have found out some disturbing news, but it isn't any less threatening or disheartening or any of that...My personalities haven't agreed on how to side on this one, so this is less of a post than it is a reasoning to myself.
I find it HORRIBLE that just when I think I am getting settled I get jolted again. Just when the idea of getting a house is a reality and the picture of a family starts to look exciting, something has to change. Something has to change the focus and say "you won't ever get a house, and kids! Ha! Forget it!"
I was slapped in the face yesterday with the reality of the poor status of our city, and state, and federal budget, when I was told that I would be getting a pink slip. Because of budget shortages they had to give me, who happens to be the lowest on the totem pole and three others a pink slip--notice of layoff for next year.
My heart dropped, I felt tears welling. They have went through three teachers in this room, and I am the fourth. I felt at home here. It is not easy, but I love it. I was planning on coming back and coming back and coming back year after year. But now, that isn't so certain. I might not ever be back after June fifteenth. I am upset. My first professional step towards a career and they can't keep me--that is how I saw it.
I was not only sad, I was pissed. I want a house. I want children. I want to be a mother and to see Greg be a father. I wanted all these things and because money depends on the first one and a family on the second and they are interdependent, this pink slip thing screws up my future. It screw
up our future. How much more of the old annoying landlord can we take?
Now for my other personalities thoughts: When it happened I knew right away it was God trying to get my attention. I didn't seem to need him anymore after I got the job in the first place. I prayed and studied constantly when I was in desperate need of a job, and he provided, then I cut all ties. I got comfortable. I took his blessings for granted, so he is threatening to take them away.
This is God's way to tap me on my shoulder and get my attention again. He wants me to be putting my trust in him, to be depending on him, not a job.
I know this, but my logical side won't accept it. I keep thinking, but are we supposed to buy a house and pray the money comes in every month? I don't think so.
I am so confused, angry, upset, and sad right now. Help me understand God, help me know what the right path is. Help me be at peace.
I find it HORRIBLE that just when I think I am getting settled I get jolted again. Just when the idea of getting a house is a reality and the picture of a family starts to look exciting, something has to change. Something has to change the focus and say "you won't ever get a house, and kids! Ha! Forget it!"
I was slapped in the face yesterday with the reality of the poor status of our city, and state, and federal budget, when I was told that I would be getting a pink slip. Because of budget shortages they had to give me, who happens to be the lowest on the totem pole and three others a pink slip--notice of layoff for next year.
My heart dropped, I felt tears welling. They have went through three teachers in this room, and I am the fourth. I felt at home here. It is not easy, but I love it. I was planning on coming back and coming back and coming back year after year. But now, that isn't so certain. I might not ever be back after June fifteenth. I am upset. My first professional step towards a career and they can't keep me--that is how I saw it.
I was not only sad, I was pissed. I want a house. I want children. I want to be a mother and to see Greg be a father. I wanted all these things and because money depends on the first one and a family on the second and they are interdependent, this pink slip thing screws up my future. It screw
up our future. How much more of the old annoying landlord can we take?
Now for my other personalities thoughts: When it happened I knew right away it was God trying to get my attention. I didn't seem to need him anymore after I got the job in the first place. I prayed and studied constantly when I was in desperate need of a job, and he provided, then I cut all ties. I got comfortable. I took his blessings for granted, so he is threatening to take them away.
This is God's way to tap me on my shoulder and get my attention again. He wants me to be putting my trust in him, to be depending on him, not a job.
I know this, but my logical side won't accept it. I keep thinking, but are we supposed to buy a house and pray the money comes in every month? I don't think so.
I am so confused, angry, upset, and sad right now. Help me understand God, help me know what the right path is. Help me be at peace.
Monday, April 18, 2005
Down and Out
I feel really unpoetic and uninspired.
I have been sick lately and that saps all the energy I have. I think that I will continue to be sick until I am three or four years into teaching, or until my kids cover their mouths when they cough or sneeze.
I don't know exactly what I have. I feel kind of like I have the flu, kind of like my stomach rejects everything I eat. I can't eat without feeling like I am going to throw up. But thank God, I haven't thrown up. I hate that! I try and avoid that as much as I can...
I am very thankful, however, that the weather has been so beautiful. It has been sunny and warm and comfortable. I love this time of year, when its finally getting nice out.
I am also thankful for my job. I am thankful that I can wear comfy clothes and sandals. I am thankful that I found a job so quickly and one that is so rewarding. I love the kids that I work with, they really make me realize that life is really how we deal with it. They all have disabilities and they are so happy and carefree. They could teach us all a lesson.
I am most thankful for God. He is amazing, he blesses us with things beyond our imagination. Even in times of sickness and uncertainty, he is awesome. Thanks to the King of Kings!!
I have been sick lately and that saps all the energy I have. I think that I will continue to be sick until I am three or four years into teaching, or until my kids cover their mouths when they cough or sneeze.
I don't know exactly what I have. I feel kind of like I have the flu, kind of like my stomach rejects everything I eat. I can't eat without feeling like I am going to throw up. But thank God, I haven't thrown up. I hate that! I try and avoid that as much as I can...
I am very thankful, however, that the weather has been so beautiful. It has been sunny and warm and comfortable. I love this time of year, when its finally getting nice out.
I am also thankful for my job. I am thankful that I can wear comfy clothes and sandals. I am thankful that I found a job so quickly and one that is so rewarding. I love the kids that I work with, they really make me realize that life is really how we deal with it. They all have disabilities and they are so happy and carefree. They could teach us all a lesson.
I am most thankful for God. He is amazing, he blesses us with things beyond our imagination. Even in times of sickness and uncertainty, he is awesome. Thanks to the King of Kings!!
Wednesday, April 06, 2005
A Welcome Break?
Well, I am finally back to my regular schedule. I had spring break for about ten days, and went without a working computer and internet connection. Honestly, I wasted away my break. I sat on the couch every weekday, watched TV, played video games, and snacked. I probably gained at least five pound because I ate horribly and did nothing physical.
In a way its what I needed, but in another way I feel like I wasted a perfectly good week.
I didn't use the time to draw closer to God. I didn't use my time studying the bible. I didn't use my time to do much of anything creative, other than a few scrapbook pages.
I am a bum!!!
I am almost excited to be back at school. It gets me up in the morning and I normally keep right on going until at least 9 or 10 at night. I think about God much more, and I communicate more with Him. Why did I really need to call out to him while I was sitting on the couch watching game shows and TLC?
One time, I think, I prayed hard for something to be fixed in my life. I just haven't been me lately and it is really taking its toll on my hubby. I was desperate. I didn't understand what was going on. God reached out to me and helped me. I have to make an effort on my part to change to, and he helps me do that.
God reached out to me in the midst of my laziness. He answered my prayer even though I didn't make much of an effort in our relationship the entire week. Man, I am a lucky person to know such a loving God.
In a way its what I needed, but in another way I feel like I wasted a perfectly good week.
I didn't use the time to draw closer to God. I didn't use my time studying the bible. I didn't use my time to do much of anything creative, other than a few scrapbook pages.
I am a bum!!!
I am almost excited to be back at school. It gets me up in the morning and I normally keep right on going until at least 9 or 10 at night. I think about God much more, and I communicate more with Him. Why did I really need to call out to him while I was sitting on the couch watching game shows and TLC?
One time, I think, I prayed hard for something to be fixed in my life. I just haven't been me lately and it is really taking its toll on my hubby. I was desperate. I didn't understand what was going on. God reached out to me and helped me. I have to make an effort on my part to change to, and he helps me do that.
God reached out to me in the midst of my laziness. He answered my prayer even though I didn't make much of an effort in our relationship the entire week. Man, I am a lucky person to know such a loving God.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
