Blur of Life

Life is a blur. It has been three months since a post, but I have posted on myspace and facebook. Life is no where where I would have predicted it would be. Choices, economy, and the uncontrollables have lead me to where I now stand. School is nearly out, one more day, and we are praying for a snow day, for Christmas break. I can't even express how excited I am for Christmas this year. Carson is really into 'presents' and 'toys'. We went above and beyond for him this year, knowing he would love every minute of it. Now, we might wear him out, so Christmas may be drawn out a bit this year. I am officially in my last class for the Fall semester of my Master's program. YAY!! I just completed the work RIGHT before class, lol. So me. I am wrestling with a few things, though that need prayer, please. First, Greg's job. He has been laid off for three weeks now and will most likely be another three weeks, we are just hoping that he has a job to actually come back to. Mainly, I am hoping that this is a blessing in disguise. If he doesn't have a job, he can pursue the career path he has been talking about for years...the toughest part will be financial difficulties while he is going through school. That means, no baby for awhile. oh well. We will deal with it. The next is my parents. They are having great difficulty in their marriage. I don't know what to pray for. Do I pray that they work things out and possibly remain miserable? Do I pray that they do what is best for them? What if they want opposite things? I have never once in my life imagined the implications of divorced parents. Two Christmases? Split birthdays? This hits home the most because of my young son. One thing I couldn't fathom is my parents, if divorced, dating. That makes me sick to my stomach. Out of selfishness, I am praying they stay together. However, I know that if it isn't meant to be, it won't be. That's my life in a very tine nutshell. Do a snow day dance for me, if you read this tonight. I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas!!

Tears are Streaming

Ok so I am just in one of those moods. Where you don't quite feel overwhelmingly sad, but you are crying. My husband always says that it is PMS, which completely pisses me off...but many times it directly correlates to that time Aunt Flo visits. So this is where I am in my life right now:
~I absolutely love my job. I love these little fresh faces that have nearly all their lives to live. I love their candidness. I love their truth. I love their hearts. However, my last name is extremely difficult for these kids to pronounce. The other day one of them said "Mrs. DeGlopolor, I heard you were a great teacher" I said Oh good!! I hope so :) Another day, the kids were designing the front of their writing folders when I asked one boy what he was drawing he said "this is me at church and this is Jesus Christ" I laughed and said how great it was. It was so funny to just hear the raw truth so open and unashamed. Finally, I love the little hugs I get from caring hands. God put me in the right place. Each day I continue to pray for patience and love...that's all I need :O)

~My youngest brother Ryan is overseas serving the Lord. He is in the Netherlands, or something, right over there. He is on a two year mission. Our only contact is the occasional email and reading his blog. Which is beautiful, visit it at adventerousfaith.blogspot.com anyway it is a bittersweet thing. I always thought he was bluffing when he started to bring up this ship thing. Well, not so much. He is there. He left behind this sad family and a ton of friends, and even let go of this awesomely amazing girl to pursue God. Wow. Not many people do that. Actually very few. It is admirable. Then, why can I not let go of my selfishness and be happy for him instead of being sad for me and my crying dad and my hurting mom?

~Carson has been crazy. Not sure what it is. Probably the change more than anything. He has been bouncing off the walls, biting me, and just super crazy. It is hard to understand. In the midst all of that, we have some great moments and I miss our time together. The other day when I got home, at yet again 6pm, he was so excited. He came running to the door, flapping his arms, screaming "mama!" and laughing. It was so real, again so unashamed. It made me cry. Of course. Everything this week seems to make me cry. That same night we were laying on his little pull out Cars couch. We were laying practically nose to nose and he was just talking away. About some crazy world, nothing to which I am aware. I was just asking him vague questions and encouraging him to share more. Our eyes were locked and he smiled the entire time he revealed his 'story'. This moment will forever be with me. These are the moments that parenthood is most rewarding. The little, tiny, lightening quick moments that make all the craziness and frustration disappear. These are the moments that I am reminded of how we are to love God. With reckless abandon. With undying devotion. With raw enthusiasm. With the devotion of Ryan and the joy of Carson.

With the ups and downs, all in all life is good. God is amazing. He continues to give and bless, undeservedly. So after all that, why am I crying?

August Blues

Well, here we are, August. Summer always seems to fly by. Normally by this time I have a little itch to return to work, but not this year. Being a stay at home mommy, although incredibly challenging, has been the best time of my life. I am not only afraid of how Carson will react to the separation, but I am afraid of me being anxious when he isn't around. I will surely miss him, the hugs, and the laughs we have had each and every day. I seriously think being home has been more difficult than going to work, but I have learned to love every whiny moment. Not only am I anxious to leave my son, I am extremely anxious to enter my new job placement. I am leaving behind some great staff members and great friends at the other building, but I am also leaving other 'things' behind purposefully. I am nervous about new coworkers, parents, sixty freaking kids, and the new surrounding. I am already crazy about it. So much, that I am already dreaming that the first day of school is here and I have nothing done. The staff is refusing to help me. And the kids are nightmares. I don't need more on my plate, the nightmares can stop already. I feel like I haven't been able to relax, much, all summer, and now I can't because summer is nearly over. Oh, well. Time to saddle up and get ready for the changes because they are coming whether I want them to or not. I am just so afraid that maybe I made the wrong decision....maybe I should have stayed or bid on a position there. Lord, help me!!!

Carson started getting sick on Thursday. It is times like this--when he has a 104 fever and is restless and moaning and not eating--that being at home is priceless. I love the cuddling and the sweet eyes that look at me to make him feel better. I love that little guy. My life wouldn't be the same without him!! Thank God for summer!!

Fun Times

Mothers Day came quickly, my second. That weekend we went and took Carson to get his second professional pictures taken. That was enough for my gift, getting Greg to agree was like pulling teeth. Yes, they can be expensive, but it is a good 'freeze frame' memory. Then Greg told me how he couldn't find anything for me...he wanted all these things, but nothing worked out. So he made me buy a new pair of Pumas! I love them! They are super comfy and I will need them to run after 5 year olds next year :) We had a fun, but VERY busy weekend.

I feel like we haven't been able to take a breath since then. Last night we went to the Tigers game, and much to our surprise, we were on tv. Our seat kicked ass! It was a blast, and made for a sleepy work Wed. None the less, I would do it again!

New Adventures

So, I took a shot at it...it was a long shot, and many people told me that, but I did. I went out on a limb. I applied for both gen ed openings in a different building. I would have to make new 'work' friends, jump into the gen ed realm, and work under a new 'boss'. So I just held my breath. I got a call Thursday about getting an interview on Friday. I did my homework. I asked around about who applied and which position they were interested in. I have decent seniority, but she was more experienced for the other position, which would have been my first choice. So my principal gave me homework. As I was reading through some of the material, I realized that it was a lot of what I already do. I think I like the idea of teaching kids, new to school, the fundamentals. Not only that but a half day, and then I would get fresh new faces. The thought of 50-55 kids on my caseload is daunting, but I think I could do it...the interview came quickly....my belly couldn't have handled it taking longer. They asked me to step outside after so they could discuss...I GOT IT!! Next year, I will be in a new building, but same district, teaching Kindergarten. I am excited for the new challenges!!

The Salvage Man

9:43pm Friday night--the phone rang. It never rings that late. People know I have a child. People know he is sleeping and we are just 'chillin'. I had a bad thought-- Maybe my dad was in a accident. After all, he was on his way home from FL with the youth. Two vans. You never know what can happen. I was way off. There goes me and my morbid brain. Turns out, a friend was a little tipsy and 'needed' some info. WHEW!!

12:00pm Saturday--Carson and I are playing at home. The phone rings. It's my mom, probably wanting to hang out. What I hear on the other end isn't a happy grandma wanting to see her grandson. She is sobbing. NOT GOOD!

"What is wrong?" I ask worriedly. This can't be a good sign. I think back to when my grandpa's boat capsized, nearly two years ago this month.

"I need your help." she whispers in between frantic sobs.

"With what?" I nearly scream because she is worrying me. Another memory flashes. I think back to the time my dad was in Mexico and she called me in the middle of the night crying like this. She was sick and needed me to take her to the hospital. My mom has always over reacted, but her voice on the other end of the line works me up too.

"I need to call Marla and I don't know how" she yells.

What is she talking about, I think. "Why, mom?!?" I question.

"There has been an accident and Tim is hurt really bad." (Tim is my youngest brother Ryan's best friend.)

I had to put her broken thoughts together. I didn't take long to realize that my dad and brother were with Tim in Florida. They were on their way home, a 20 hour drive straight through. There were to be home in a couple hours. My DAD!! He was my first thought. He is always driving on these crazy trips that take him away from his family way too often and for way too long.

"Is dad ok?" I could hardly get it out.

"It was the other van. Ryan is hurt, but Tim is really hurt" she cried.

Ryan?!? Ryan is only 20. He is due to go on a two year mission away from his family this summer. He has been to the hospital the most out of all three of us. He is always getting himself into crazy predicaments, like getting a concussion from boxing with his friends. I hurriedly asked my mom for more details. I knew it!! I thought about it last night. However, it isn't strange for me to think about my loved ones getting hurt. I would probably be okay with everyone staying in the same house and never leaving if it meant we wouldn't have to go through loss.

Turns out Ryan was hurt, but not bad. Tim, his friend, was very hurt. All six passengers in the van, pictured above--looks like a charred box--were hurt, but nothing life threatening. (My dad has the details on his blog if you want the play by play, go to http://www.cmcoon.blogspot.com/)

On the way to U of M hospital I was worried. How would Ryan be? What were his thoughts? How was everyone else? How can a mother deal with this fear?

My thoughts went to Christ. Here we had six people; three thrown from a van struck by a semi moving at high speeds. There is no earthly way they could or would survive. To hear that all of them were conscious and talking blew my mind. It had to be the hand of God that picked up their wrecked bodies and saved them. There is no other explanation. There is no way that a boy thrown 120 feet from that vehicle would be up and walking around. NO EARTHLY WAY!! We all knew that the people we loved had all been spared by God.

The story was the hot topic of conversation for days to come. An adult in my room said something that stuck with me. We were talking about the accident.

She said "God doesn't plan for these things to happen. People always wonder why God lets these things happen. He doesn't; the world we live in is so tipped that they happen because of the world. God doesn't plan for this, but he is the best salvage man."

God as a salvage man. That is nothing that I had ever thought about, but it fit. Among his other names, God IS a salvage man. He salvaged this terrible wreck. In the midst of it, he scooped up each person in the van and comforted and healed them. He salvaged each one. And now, each one is on the road to recovery. Thank you Jesus for being so good. Thank you for sparing the lives of these six people. Thank you for being so great! Please help others realize it was You, only You, who saved these people. Please help all the glory and honor be to You alone. Thank you for letting me have my brother back.

Crazy Beautiful

There is a song with these two words in it, "crazy beautiful". I really feel that is my life right now. Crazy busy, but filled with undeniable beauty. Being a parent has brought feelings that I have never experienced before, and feelings that I really think one wouldn't ever relate to unless they were a parent. A person may feel these things to some degree, but never with the intensity that parenthood brings.

Never have I loved a person so much. This crazy, bonding, protective, proud, worrisome love. I have never been so proud when a sound was made or a laugh produced or a step taken on wobbly legs. Never have I been so frantic when an ear won't heal, or a head smacks furniture, or a high fever won't break. Never have I been so excited for a wet sloppy kiss or a cuddle or a high five. Never have I been so content with hanging out as a family or cuddling on a minature couch just the three of us.

I am so blessed to be living this crazy beautiful life that God has given me.